Bullying at Secondary School: How Parents Can Recognise It and Take Action

For many families, secondary school brings growth, independence, and new friendships. But it can also bring one of the most difficult challenges for young people: bullying. The impact is far-reaching — not just on confidence and learning, but on family life, attendance, and mental health. The encouraging news is that parents are not powerless. Research shows that when schools, families, and communities work together, bullying can be reduced.

How to Tell if Your Teen Is Being Bullied

Teenagers don’t always admit to being targeted. Sometimes they fear making things worse or feel embarrassed. Parents often need to notice the small changes such as:

reluctance to go to school, or repeated complaints of headaches and stomachaches
a sudden dip in grades or loss of interest in subjects they usually enjoy
irritability, mood swings, or withdrawal from family and friends
belongings that go missing or come home damaged
visible distress after using their phone or social media²

If several of these appear together, they may be signs that something more serious is happening.

Why Bullying Happens

Bullying thrives where there are power imbalances. For any students new to a school, such as a new Year 7 student, simply being “different” — in appearance, accent, or confidence — can make them a target. It often surfaces at transition points, when friendship groups shift or hierarchies are unsettled. Online spaces magnify this: social media group chats, gaming platforms, and messaging apps allow bullying to continue long after the school day ends³.

Conversation with Your Teen

Once you suspect bullying, approach gently. Instead of asking “Are you being bullied?”, try open questions such as:

“What’s the toughest part of the school day right now?”
“Are there times or places where you feel uncomfortable?”

By focusing on situations rather than labels, you give your teen permission to talk without feeling judged. Remember, simply listening — without rushing to solve — is often the most powerful first step⁴.

Take Action

If bullying is confirmed, children need to know that adults will act. Begin by documenting what has happened — keep a simple log with dates, times, places, and names. For online incidents, save screenshots and digital evidence.

When you contact the school, outline:

What’s happening: concise description of the bullying behaviour
Impact: how it is affecting your child (attendance, health, schoolwork)
Evidence: attach your incident log or screenshots

Every school is required to have an anti-bullying policy. Ask staff how that policy will be applied in your child’s case⁵.

When meeting with the school, agree on specific next steps, such as:

closer supervision in corridors or playgrounds
seating adjustments in class
regular check-ins with a tutor or trusted adult
strategies for safe travel to and from school

Also, request a review date (usually within 2–3 weeks) to assess progress.

If the bullying continues, escalate through the school’s complaints process. In cases involving threats, hate crime, or sexualised messages, safeguarding procedures must be triggered, and police involvement may be necessary⁶.

What Works Best

Research consistently shows that whole-school approaches are the most effective. This means not just holding bullies accountable, but changing the culture so that bystanders are trained to act, “hotspots” are supervised, and empathy is taught across the curriculum. Programmes such as KiVa in Finland or the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program have demonstrated real reductions in both bullying and victimisation¹.

At home, parents can help their teen rebuild confidence by encouraging them into safe social groups, sports, or clubs where they feel valued. Even one supportive peer group can counteract much of the damage done by bullying.

Bullying at secondary school is never easy to face. But spotting the signs early, keeping communication open, and working in partnership with the school can make a decisive difference. No parent has to manage this alone — and no child should feel that bullying is something they simply have to endure.

References

Ttofi, M. M., & Farrington, D. P. (2011). Effectiveness of school-based programs to reduce bullying. Campbell Systematic Reviews.
NSPCC. Signs of bullying in children. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying
UK Safer Internet Centre. Advice on cyberbullying. https://saferinternet.org.uk/guide-and-resource/parents-and-carers
Anti-Bullying Alliance. Tips for parents to talk with children about bullying. https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk
Department for Education (DfE). Preventing and tackling bullying. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/preventing-and-tackling-bullying
Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command (CEOP). Report abuse online. https://www.ceop.police.uk